It is so much more than just martial arts here. Children, as well as adults, are taught many things to enhance life. Here are eight important things that you may not realize they are learning?
Peace of Mind: Knowing that your child is actively training how to stay aware and safe is a great peace of mind for any parent. Those that do not train do not know how to defend themselves. Your child is learning how to defend against predators, bullies and countless problems in life. He or she will know how to respond appropriately in a dangerous situation. You are doing a great service as a parent or guardian by preparing them to handle scary situations and to know what to do when a threat arises.
Future Preparation: Colleges absolutely love black belts in their school! A black belt carries a lot of positive clout. A surefire way to get your son or daughter’s application to the top of the admission’s pile is to show the college that they didn’t quit. They took the hard road of earning a black belt. It is very rare! Schools will always pick someone that they know will be a role-model and emulate responsibility, personal success and accomplishment on and off campus.
Bringing out the individual: Sometimes in a large family, a child can easily lose his or her own identity. Unlike team sport activities, we do ever not force competition against others in our school. It is an individual process that is tailored to each student by our experienced instructors. Students go through sets of personal challenges to grow from the experience. They learn to know who they are and they learn to love who they become. They stand out from the crowd and it definitely shows.
No more bullying: We don’t know of any black belts that get bullied, period. Bullies prey on the weak, but they are repelled by the strong.
Positive Mentoring at crucial developmental years: A parent old us how much they enjoyed how their sons were completely surrounded by older positive people. Not just the teachers, but older kids that were on the same path towards personal mastery. It is like having dozens of cool older brothers and sisters that will have your back and encourage you when you need help. The children are being exposed to many diverse role-models of all ages that will help shape their future to be a bright and successful one.
Strong ethical principles: With the values and ethics we instill in the students, they will naturally stay away from a poor choice of friends. They will be less likely to ever get into confrontations or trouble with the law. They will be respectful to others and have compassion for those in need. Most of all, they will learn to rely on themselves for long lasting happiness and contentment.
Opportunities: A black belt is pre-trained for almost any job. Future employers will hire a black belt because of the skills the student can demonstrate. Your child may grow up to actually become an instructor. He or she may one day even own a large Dojo (school). A career in martial arts can be extremely fulfilling. They are learning skills that will help them to get that job and succeed.
8. Don’t forget the parent’s part: Level 2 and 3 are long and bumpy roads where students are tested often. As a responsible and disciplined parent, you didn’t let your son or daughter quit. You are very rare indeed! You invested the time and money ensuring that they will have an edge in their adult future. In a society where it is easy to dabble and quit to do something else, you showed your child that great things come to those who don’t give up because it was too hard. One of the main roles of a parent is to prepare a child for the real world. You are doing that!
“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.”
We started a “Dojo Newsletter” in January. If you wish to be part of the distribution list, please email norcross9@aol.com and we will sign you up. The goal of the newsletter is to keep students and parents informed of all the happenings of the school.
Also, please feel free to submit pictures, articles, advice etc. if it is relevant to helping those going towards black belt.
Question: Don’t you have to train in martial arts to meditate?
Answer: Not at all. 95% of all people who practice meditation around the world have nothing to do with martial arts.
Question: Would meditation interfere with my religion?
Answer: No. There is absolutely nothing supernatural in our practices. The meditation classes that we have at our school are completely secular in nature. Practice your religion (if you choose to have one) on your own time. These classes are made up of applied psychology to overcome common obstacles in our life. People from all faiths and backgrounds find tremendous benefit in mind training.
Question: Isn’t meditation just for new age hippie types?
Answer: There is nothing “new age” about meditation. It is very “old age”. In fact, it is older than written history. Finding true happiness is nothing hokey, nothing to shy away from. It is the most important pursuit we can undertake in our life. Some famous practitioners of meditation were: Thomas Edison, Aristotle, The Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, Mozart and Albert Einstein. It seemed to work for them, no?
Question: Why don’t more people in the West meditate?
Answer: There are a multitude of reasons. Some are legitimate, and some are not. Culturally, the West is very far behind in the pursuit of happiness. In actuality, the mindset of the West is completely backwards. In the U.S., we often seek happiness in the external world. After activities begin to bore us, we then quit them and move on to something (or someone) else, looking for that instant gratification that never really satisfies.
Another reason is that many people are secretly afraid to see what’s inside and clean up the negative thoughts and habits that develop with time. People are taught to be comfortable being unchallenged. “What’s on television tonight is actually more important to me than working on my mind.”
Another reason is that many people have fragile egos that prevent them from being humble enough to learn from someone new. They think that they are already perfect, so why bother? “Ha, I don’t need that stupid stuff!” is a famous proclamation for sure-fire regret and failure in life. From experience, not having the time, laziness and excuses are just bi-products of the above deeper causes. If more people meditated, more people would know how to put more meaning into their lives, period.
Question: What if I cannot come to every class?
Answer: Coming a few times a month is of course far better than not coming at all. However, do not expect dramatic results in your attitude without consistency and effort. Trying and doing are completelyseparate things. We will tend to fill in that time slot if we miss several weeks. Mark it on your weekly calendar first. Make time on yourself a super high priority. Make an effort to make an effort. The results are well worth it!
Question: What improvements in my life will I see if I start to meditate?
Answer: Everyone is different. With effort, consistency and lots of practice, you can expect to feel lighter and consistently upbeat. You can expect your confidence to improve. You can expect a more consistent, positive attitude. You can expect frequent feelings of complete happiness and personal inner contentment. You can expect to have better relationships at home and at work. You can expect stress to lose its grip on you. You can expect more results in anything you choose to complete. And finally, you can expect to want to share the knowledge with others.
Question: What should I wear and what should I bring?
Answer: Where comfortable, loose fitting clothing. Cushions and chairs are provided for your comfort. Always bring a receptive, listening and opened mind.
~ Todd Norcross
Classes are held every Wednesday evening from 8:00-8:45 PM
$10.00 at the door per class (block of ten classes for $90.00)
How was 2009 for you? Was it your best year ever? (Then give it a rating of ten.) Was 2009 perhaps your worst year ever? (Then, give it a one.) Taking a numerical rating of our lives is a very important task to keep a healthy perspective on things. Too often, we give ourselves a lower number than we really deserve.
Just being alive on this Earth, our “life meter” should be at a minimum of seven. The cold fact that about 16,ooo children die every single day (that’s one every five seconds) should make us feel extremely fortunate don’t you think?
When was the last time you struggled for your next meal? When was the last time you had no clue where you were sleeping tonight? Is your family and community dying from massive outbreaks of Malaria, HIV/AIDS or Tuberculosis?
During the holidays, people are at their most selfish when it comes to ignorantly proclaiming about what they do not have. “I don’t have a long vacation!” “I don’t have a significant other!” “I didn’t get what I wanted for Christmas!” “What? I only got ten presents!?”
Halfway around the world, not very far really, many children are asking: “Why don’t I have any food or water?” “Why don’t I have a house or family?” “I can’t stop coughing. What did I do to deserve this pain?”
By all accounts, we are the lucky ones. We are alive, healthy and extremely wealthy. What arrogance! How dare we complain when…
We should pause and reflect the next time we are about to cry and stress-out about what we do not have. We should start rejoicing in everything we do have. Every day we are still walking this beautiful planet, our life number should be a thankful, solid ten!
A great exercise to do by yourself, or with your family, is to make a written list of all the things that you do have. Compare notes and have a discussion about what is important in life. It should raise your numbers, and your consciousness.
This is a exercise we have been discussing here at The Dojo with our youth students. It was written in easy language so kids can understand. We required this a long-term homework assignment to be read multiple (at least ten) times. Students were also required to open a dialogue and talk with parents/guardians about this important issue. Parents: if you missed these classes at the school, please feel free to print out and practice this exercise now with your children. It will help them realize when anger surfaces. It will also give them tips to deal with it effectively.
For ages 6 and up
Anger is bad. Anger is a choice. Anger will get you nowhere. Here are some things you must memorize to be a powerful person. You need to demonstrate these to be a black belt!
Choose mastery! Know that you are in control of your thoughts and body, nobody else! Say out loud over and over again Mindful Action #13 “I am so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.” A Black Belt is always in control.
Choose quiet! Don’t raise your voice. If you yell, you cannot get help. A Black Belt speaks slowly and softly to calm everybody down. What would Yoda do? He is so wise and strong that he doesn’t ever need to yell and hit.
Choose strength! Do twenty five of your best Black Belt push-ups when you get mad. Breathe long, deep breaths. Exercising makes you let go of anger and feel good!
Choose smart! -if you scream or hit or cry will that help you? Of course not! That will only get you in trouble. That will only get you picked on. You will also get grounded, lose computer time, television, video games, toys and movie privileges.
Choose to win! – A winner doesn’t whine. A winner has honor. Remember that the best sports heroes have lost a lot of games! A Black Belt has to fall to the mats 10,000 times! You can’t really win without losing once in a while.
Choose happy! It is up to you to be in a good mood. Only you can choose good or bad. A Black Belt always tries to be in a good mood and make others smile. Happiness is made by you alone! Believe in yourself! You can do it!
You can be a great role-model to others! Lead by example and act like a black belt until you get there!
Oneof the most frequent questions we receive here at the Dojo is how one can stop bullying? It would be disingenuous to rattle off canned answers without knowing the exact details of the particular situation. While bullying is never acceptable, every child’s situation may require different strategies to stop it from happening.
What is bullying?
Bullying is when someone repeatedly and on purpose says or does mean or hurtful things to another person who has a hard time defending him or herself.
What forms can it take?
Physical bullying such as pushing, hitting, or kicking
Verbal bullying such as calling names and leaving another person out of a group
Telling lies and spreading false rumors
Taking away money or other things or damaging personal property
Threatening or forcing another person to do things they don’t want to do
Studies show about 29% of kids gets bullied at least once per week. About 85% of confrontations are witnessed by others. Because kids tend to stay quiet about embarrassing things, my guess is that the statistic is far greater. Don’t assume your children are free from bullying. Talk to them a lot about bullying, so that they remain open to discussing it, even if it was initially uncomfortable.
What are some signs of being bullied?
Warning signs that a child is being bullied are: being afraid or unwilling to go to school, having lots of headaches or stomachaches, sleeping poorly or having nightmares, losing interest in school, and suffering academically. More signs to watch for include:
He or she comes home with torn, dirty, or wet clothes or damaged books, or “loses” things without being able to give a proper explanation of what happened
Has bruises, cuts, scratches, and injuries that can’t be explained
Chooses an “illogical” route to and from school
Seems unhappy, downhearted, depressed, or has mood swings with sudden outbursts of irritation or anger
Steals or asks for extra money to bribe or soften up the bully
Here are some suggestions to teach your kids when you talk to them: Remember there are no perfect answers. Any or all of these suggestions may work?
Tell your teacher, parents, friends, bus driver etc. Never, ever stay quiet about it!
As soon as you can, find an adult or teacher you trust and tell them what happened. It is your right to be safe!
Avoid the bully if possible (tell a teacher why you want to avoid this place and name names)
Hang with supportive friends in groups (bullies tend to attack loners)
If the bullying continues, walk away, join other children or ask someone else for help.
Look the bully in the eye and say (with a firm commanding voice) “Stop it!!” This has been known in some cases to thwart the bully. Bullies usually want to dominate, not be challenged.
Parents often ask “Should my child hit back?” This option is definitely the poorest choice. There will certainly be short and long-term consequences to it. I have seen it backfire and make the bullying worse. I have also seen it work. Personally, I do not advocate it. Again, there are many better options like getting the school and parents involved. All experts I have personally consulted say that hitting back is not the answer. It only creates more psychological problems down the road.
Signing the kids up in a non-sport martial art is a fantastic way to develop inner confidence, strength and perseverance. Consistent classes for at least a couple of years will ensure your child will be able to face and overcome confrontations of all sorts. If you go to a martial arts school, make sure the teachers talk about bullying and address the issue frequently with the students.
Parents: Think back when you were bullied as a child, did you tell anybody about it? Have frequent talks with your children about bullying. Communication is the key to a healthy parent/child relationship. If your kids are being bullied, find out about it and take immediate action to stop it through the school or parent etc. Taking no action will guarantee a continuation which can severely damage your child’s character for his or her entire lifetime. Bullying can also lead to committing suicide. Please take this often silent issue seriously. It is far more common than we can imagine.
Parents…here are some known causes and possible suggestions that may help with your children and teenagers that come home with nasty or lackadaisical attitudes…
1. Could be a food issue? Some kids suffer from low blood sugar. Have them eat a healthy snack. Make sure they also drink plenty of water. Dehydration can wreak havoc on the body and mind. Watch their attitude (naturally fueled) change for the better in about a half hour
2. Bad day at school? Children often hide feelings and embarrassments. We don’t always know what happened at school. Perhaps they are secretly being physically or mentally bullied? Also, there is the issue of cyber-bullying (now at roughly 32% of all children with access to phones or computers). Perhaps kids feel stressed out from excessive homework? All these reasons can explain a poor attitude when they come home from their “very real and sometimes scary” school-world. Ensuring that the home or Dojo is a safe-haven from bullying is essential.
3. Too many sports! Some kids have three or four different activities after school. After a while, they literally don’t know what day it is? They get tired of rushing around to please others. Many kids take up sports just to please their parents’ agendas. Many kids’ individuality or talents can be lost or pushed aside on a large team that favors only the strongest and fastest. Studies show that too many sporting activities can be detrimental and can lead to resentment of the parent later on in life. Kids need time to be kids. Dojo Martial Art training is not a sport. It is a way of building self-created discipline and personal confidence in self protection in a positive and fun environment. Children will never be forced to compete for trophies or fame here. They are only encouraged to compete with themselves.
4. Lack of physical activity? Most children sit around after school, which can make them very moody and lazy. After a child trains at The Dojo, he or she is re-energized and ready to take on the world. Physical activity releases healthy chemicals that change one’s entire attitude. Sometimes, kids may come into The Dojo kind of down and out; but they always go home smiling, sweating, more receptive and more confident.
5. Children may be bored? Working in a group environment helps build important social skills that will last a lifetime. A child that sits at home is falling behind with the real world. Children need a positive environment in which to grow and mature. It is better that the kids are training and learning rather than fighting with their brother or sister.
6. Parents/Guardians are trying to be a child’s best friend rather than a parent? Let’s be honest, some parents let their children run their lives. Some parents actually let their kids decide if they are going to go to The Dojo or not. Just who exactly is in charge? Remember, we teach people how we want to be treated. Kids need consistent discipline coupled with positive attention. Children will test our boundaries. They will respect us more in the long run if we have consequences and consistency. They will love us more if we listen and communicate effectively.
7. Could be a deeper family issue? This is beyond the scope of a school. Kids often become angry and quiet if there is a problem at home. A house with violence, stress and anger will ensure an unhealthy child. But, it can be reversed! Communication with an expert may help? Have family meetings often to make sure everybody is happy and healthy and everyone’s needs are being met.
Parenting is the most noble and rewarding of privileges. The great news is that it is never too late to start good habits or re-build our relationships with our children. We have one shot at this! It is up to us to do our best and lovingly guide our children towards inner contentment and real happiness.
In the brilliant words of Lady Bird Johnson – “Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.”
It can be very frustrating dealing with people on the mat. Sometimes, we get paired up with the people we do not enjoy sparring with. “He is too rough.” “He tries to teach me too much.” “She is too talkative.” “His uniform smells.” “She is always sick.” Or the worst judgment of all, “He or she isn’t as skilled as I am!” We silently think these terrible thoughts, often right as we are faking a smile and shaking hands with our new partner. This timeless dynamic goes on in each and every Dojo (school).
This common difficulty is an essential part of our growth training.
Here are some very blunt tips to get through these issues that most of us are afraid to ask the instructors about:
1. Keep your body and uniform (Top, Pants, Tabi, Socks etc.) clean. No one likes to train with someone who stinks. Freshen up or shower before class. Brush your teeth, put on body spray or something. Come to class knowing your will be in close contact with several people. Uniforms should never be stuffed into a duffel bag wet. The bacteria sours quickly. Either air dry your uniform at home or wash it often.
2. Don’t be a wet noodle. Give an honest/realistic attack and follow through with it. Don’t go to the ground until your opponent takes you there.
3. On the flip-side,don’t resist too much or throw cheap shots. No one likes training with a wise guy. These techniques rely on realistic reactions and body mechanics. Every single move has a purpose, just like in chess.
4. Don’t try and “one up” counter the shown technique. It shows the teachers that you have no clue what you are doing. It also shows that you have never actually been in a real fight. It is also very rude and disrespectful. Be a good fight scene actor. Always ask yourself “How would my body move if I was just hit in the nose or kneed in the groin?” Keep it safe but realistic.
5. They pay too! You are both on the same team. You are not against each other. We are all here to learn, not glide through training like a country club. He or she has paid for the privilege of training just as much as you have. Try and make each others experiences pleasurable.
6. Guess what!? They may dislike training with you too! Judgments go both ways…
7. A more hard-nosed Sensei (teacher) would just yell “Too bad. Shut up and train.”
Find the lesson in everything. Find the deeper teaching in every single experience. Ultimately, it is our choice how we perceive things. It is our choice to make the best of every class we attend.
Keeping up a positive attitude in class is vital to our growth not only as a martial artist, but as an adult. It is always best to try and find the good qualities about our training partners. Practice giving a sincere compliment to the people you train with. Be the person who everybody wants to train with.
Copies are now available to order through www.cdbaby.com or www.toddnorcross.net
“Todd Ryotoshi Norcross’ Taiken II is heart-stirring empowering inspiration, To-Shin martial spirit in musical form. I urge all my friends to have this CD in their home, dojo, and car!”
An-Shu Stephen K. Hayes
Founder, SKH Quest To-Shin Do ninja martial arts
Black Belt Hall of Fame
The 24th CD, 23 new songs!! World rhythm and New Age sounds for Training, Yoga, Exercise and Relaxation.
“For a tree to become tall it must grow tough roots among the rocks.”
Think about Nietzsche’s insight? Let us close our eyes and really ponder that quote over and over until we really comprehend what it means. How does this poetic and perhaps prophetic phrase apply to our own life? How “tall” are we in really difficult times? Are we rooted enough to keep from quitting? How many activities such as martial arts, jobs or personal relationships have we quit because it was too hard for us? These are all important questions to ask ourselves on a regular basis. Knowing how the human mind works, we will have two distinct and separate answers to these questions. The first answer will be the self-preoccupied human ego saying “Of course I am strong and do not quit!” The self serving ego is quite lazy, quite subtle. The second answer –which most of us would keep quiet to ourselves-is the real answer! “I would do more and stick with it if only I had more self confidence and less fear of being rejected.” Wow! It takes a really powerful person to admit that. To admit that it is us and not it that has failed. But, we know from experience that we cannot change what we do not first acknowledge. Change can only be implemented from the inside out. We have all learned that the more we pressure someone to change, the more he or she will naturally resist and do the opposite. There is no greater killer of dreams than self doubt. Self doubt is the number one cause of students quitting the Dojo, or any activity one can think of. We disguise self doubt. We very often lie and make up excuses so that we can slip away quietly and avoid conflict. Self doubt is the elephant in the room that actually leaves very little room for us to grow. It is the inner voice of regression, comfort and cowardice.
Once I heard a teacher say “Everybody quits! It is just a matter of when.” When I was younger and more naive, I strongly disagreed with that statement. Now, I fully understand it to be absolutely true. Of course, if you die you have to quit right? If you move, you must leave right? But, it is not always when we quit something, but more importantly how we do it. I never get angry anymore if someone quits training. If he or she has the guts to tell the truth and quits with dignity, then that is okay. There are several legitimate reasons to quit training. Perhaps one loses his or her income? Perhaps there is a serious injury that needs mending? Perhaps a job is requiring a move across country? These are noble reasons to stop training. Too often however, people just quietly disappear into the shadows. I can pretty much guarantee that the Sensei of self doubt has paid them a private lesson.
If you ever need to quit training, make sure you quit with honor and dignity. Make sure you meet with an instructor face to face and explain your difficulties. Perhaps something can be worked out so you can continue to train. Perhaps communication can be improved on a student instructor basis? Perhaps the school can recommend another school? Don’t be one of the many that weasel away in shame because it is easier. Easy doesn’t make it right in the long run. There is no shame in leaving if it is done correctly.
We tell all of our new students that most of them will quit long before black belt. More will quit in Level 2 and even more in Level 3. This is not to scare them, but to give them a real dose of reality. Fantasy-time is over the minute one first gets thrown down to the mat. To earn a black-belt in this dibble dabble society is truly rare. There will be many rocks and we will need strong roots of confidence to succeed. But there will be a few who will not listen to the inner dialogue and overcome self doubt and attain not just his or her black belt, but every other dream imaginable. These tempered masters will be the “unbreakable ones” who went through the necessary trials to become the next generation of teachers. Will you be one of them?
How was 2009 for you? Was it your best year ever? (Then give it a rating of ten.) Was 2009 perhaps your worst year ever? (Then, give it a one.) Taking a numerical rating of our lives is a very important task to keep a healthy perspective on things. Too often, we give ourselves a lower number than we really deserve.
One of the most frequent questions we receive here at the Dojo is how one can stop bullying? It would be disingenuous to rattle off canned answers without knowing the exact details of the particular situation. While bullying is never acceptable, every child’s situation may require different strategies to stop it from happening.
It can be very frustrating dealing with people on the mat. Sometimes, we get paired up with the people we do not enjoy sparring with. “He is too rough.” “He tries to teach me too much.” “She is too talkative.” “His uniform smells.” “She is always sick.” Or the worst judgment of all, “He or she isn’t as skilled as I am!” We silently think these terrible thoughts, often right as we are faking a smile and shaking hands with our new partner. This timeless dynamic goes on in each and every Dojo (school).
The long-awaited CD…now available for sale!