Dealing with difficult partners

It can be very frustrating dealing with people on the mat.  Sometimes, we get paired up with the people we do not enjoy sparring with.  “He is too rough.”  “He tries to teach me too much.” “She is too talkative.”  “His uniform smells.”  “She is always sick.”  Or the worst judgment of all, “He or she isn’t as skilled as I am!”  We silently think these terrible thoughts, often right as we are faking a smile and shaking hands with our new partner.  This timeless dynamic goes on in each and every Dojo (school).

This common difficulty is an essential part of our growth training.

Here are some very blunt tips to get through these issues that most of us are afraid to ask the instructors about:

1. Keep your body and uniform (Top, Pants, Tabi, Socks etc.) clean. No one likes to train with someone who stinks.  Freshen up or shower before class. Brush your teeth, put on body spray or something.  Come to class knowing your will be in close contact with several people.  Uniforms should never be stuffed into a duffel bag wet.  The bacteria sours quickly.   Either air dry your uniform at home or wash it often.

2. Don’t be a wet noodle. Give an honest/realistic attack and follow through with it.  Don’t go to the ground until your opponent takes you there.

3. On the flip-side, don’t resist too much or throw cheap shots. No one likes training with a wise guy.  These techniques rely on realistic reactions and body mechanics.  Every single move has a purpose, just like in chess.

4. Don’t try and “one up” counter the shown technique. It shows the teachers that you have no clue what you are doing.  It also shows that you have never actually been in a real fight.  It is also very rude and disrespectful.  Be a good fight scene actor.  Always ask yourself “How would my body move if I was just hit in the nose or kneed in the groin?”  Keep it safe but realistic.

5. They pay too! You are both on the same team.  You are not against each other.  We are all here to learn, not glide through training like a country club.  He or she has paid for the privilege of training just as much as you have.  Try and make each others experiences pleasurable.

6. Guess what!? They may dislike training with you too!  Judgments go both ways…

7. A more hard-nosed Sensei (teacher) would just yell “Too bad.  Shut up and train.”

Find the lesson in everything.  Find the deeper teaching in every single experience.  Ultimately, it is our choice how we perceive things.  It is our choice to make the best of every class we attend.

Keeping up a positive attitude in class is vital to our growth not only as a martial artist, but as an adult.  It is always best to try and find the good qualities about our training partners.  Practice giving a sincere compliment to the people you train with.  Be the person who everybody wants to train with.

Todd Ryotoshi Norcross