The reason of self doubt…

The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once wrote:

“For a tree to become tall it must grow tough roots among the rocks.”

Think about Nietzsche’s insight?  Let us close our eyes and really ponder that quote over and over until we really comprehend what it means.  How does this poetic and perhaps prophetic phrase apply to our own life?  How “tall” are we in really difficult times?  Are we rooted enough to keep from quitting?  How many activities such as martial arts, jobs or personal relationships have we quit because it was too hard for us?  These are all important questions to ask ourselves on a regular basis.  Knowing how the human mind works, we will have two distinct and separate answers to these questions.  The first answer will be the self-preoccupied human ego saying “Of course I am strong and do not quit!” The self serving ego is quite lazy, quite subtle.  The second answer –which most of us would keep quiet to ourselves-is the real answer!  “I would do more and stick with it if only I had more self confidence and less fear of being rejected.”  Wow! It takes a really powerful person to admit that.  To admit that it is us and not it that has failed.  But, we know from experience that we cannot change what we do not first acknowledge.  Change can only be implemented from the inside out.  We have all learned that the more we pressure someone to change, the more he or she will naturally resist and do the opposite.    There is no greater killer of dreams than self doubt.  Self doubt is the number one cause of students quitting the Dojo, or any activity one can think of.  We disguise self doubt. We very often lie and make up excuses so that we can slip away quietly and avoid conflict.  Self doubt is the elephant in the room that actually leaves very little room for us to grow.  It is the inner voice of regression, comfort and cowardice.

Once I heard a teacher say “Everybody quits!  It is just a matter of when.”  When I was younger and more naive, I strongly disagreed with that statement.  Now, I fully understand it to be absolutely true.  Of course, if you die you have to quit right?  If you move, you must leave right? But, it is not always when we quit something, but more importantly how we do it.  I never get angry anymore if someone quits training.  If he or she has the guts to tell the truth and quits with dignity, then that is okay.  There are several legitimate reasons to quit training.  Perhaps one loses his or her income? Perhaps there is a serious injury that needs mending? Perhaps a job is requiring a move across country?  These are noble reasons to stop training.  Too often however, people just quietly disappear into the shadows.  I can pretty much guarantee that the Sensei of self doubt has paid them a private lesson.

If you ever need to quit training, make sure you quit with honor and dignity.  Make sure you meet with an instructor face to face and explain your difficulties.  Perhaps something can be worked out so you can continue to train.  Perhaps communication can be improved on a student instructor basis?  Perhaps the school can recommend another school?  Don’t be one of the many that weasel away in shame because it is easier.  Easy doesn’t make it right in the long run.  There is no shame in leaving if it is done correctly.

We tell all of our new students that most of them will quit long before black belt.  More will quit in Level 2 and even more in Level 3.  This is not to scare them, but to give them a real dose of reality.  Fantasy-time is over the minute one first gets thrown down to the mat.  To earn a black-belt in this dibble dabble society is truly rare.  There will be many rocks and we will need strong roots of confidence to succeed.  But there will be a few who will not listen to the inner dialogue and overcome self doubt and attain not just his or her black belt, but every other dream imaginable.  These tempered masters will be the “unbreakable ones” who went through the necessary trials to become the next generation of teachers.  Will you be one of them?

Todd Ryotoshi Norcross-July 20, 2009